⁃briight coulors, lying eyes, veil hairs, ⁃Lips, god sculptures sculptured. ⁃Fire red, gold under mountains, red, bright red. ⁃Dark chocolate ⁃Caramel coffee ⁃Turn up drugs ⁃Facetime my brother the other day ⁃Overdose ⁃Is the first thing my brother asked when he saw me wearing - ass exposing gown. ⁃I said no, no, fuck no? Who the fuck do you think I am, who the fuck do you think I have become ⁃I thought ⁃After 12 hours of waiting in the emergency room, I went to my new apartment ⁃Fifth floor no elevator ⁃Straight to my pack ⁃Grabbed a Lucy ⁃Stepped on the balcony ⁃Light the bitch up and watched her spirit join the clouds. ⁃Couldn’t finish cause my brother’s voice was buzzing in my ear, the after effect. ⁃I think am addicted ⁃I think am addicted ⁃Have you ever noticed how your brother is an expert at pointing his faults when he sees them in others ⁃Somehow he doesn’t see the smoke blowing back in his face ⁃And made his eyes red ⁃am SUSPICIOUS the wind alway have an agenda pointing to the direction where shits’ at.
Inheritance Interior Land Home Space Hot Dangerous Misunderstood
⁃ lost my mother and my brother’s wallet. also lost my wallet. ⁃Basement ⁃Locked - darkness ⁃old bulbs, ⁃Interrupted ⁃Memories ⁃I have a fantasy to become a hoarder ⁃One of the society’s degenerates ⁃Initially the fantansy was for becoming homeless ⁃But I discovered I like warmth and locking myself in ⁃Plus hoarders got to have somewhere to put all their shit ⁃I would keep all the things that make me feel goood close ⁃All the pictures that I lost ⁃I would paint all the pictures I never taken ⁃I would collect stuff to sell for a profit ⁃I would not be alone ⁃I would cry ⁃Among things ⁃I would have stuff of my own ⁃I would curse myself out ⁃Repeatedly ⁃I would curse myself out ⁃And the stuff will pretend to understand ⁃I would tell them everything they want to hear ⁃I will dance for them ⁃I would make them feel useful ⁃I would be doing something ⁃Because I don’t know ⁃I can’t have everything I want ⁃Inheritance - mostly my face, from my father - everything else from my mother - hoping that I can soon become a partner to her, that my measure of success, to get to a point where she trusts me enough as she would a partner. ⁃Interior - the underground gold lights the darkened mess underneath. A fact I can only imagine and believe only in faith. Close your eyes, and draw a line, the open to see your inner self. Who am I, who are you? — I have a wordless relationship with my organs — sometimes I forget that, I am on the constant hunt to discover myself — most times I forget that I can never lose myself because I carry myself with me everywhere, mostly, I am ashamed of myself, I can see myself changing, my body reacting, and e t c . . —- what I hold inside, - I can give, and hope that hopefully, I get something back. Also something about treasure about (I forgot) my worth that I can mold, have say in the control. ⁃Land —- build my house, with colors, with blood, build a dance court, and play games all day and night. ⁃Home —- build a home for all my homies that I came with and found along the way. Build a house so they can never get lost again. ⁃Space — guts, imposture
Usefulness Children Life and more life
⁃mundane connecting stories: ⁃ 1-800, money, homeless aggressiveness, homeless people work the hardest. Pennies, penis- long drives, car accidents, insurance, plans and resolutions, anxiety ⁃I want to live forever, ⁃Saying that is enough to make me cry ⁃How come preachers never teach about ecclesiastical ⁃And when they did, they missed the point. ⁃I want to be sad forever ⁃Saying that is enough to make me get up ⁃I want to be happy ⁃And saying that makes me want to pul the plug. ⁃Talking about priorities ⁃I left home, because I was comfortable and stressed at the same time. That house had the powers to convince me that that’s all there was. ⁃I left, cause I wanted to feel disoriented. ⁃15 hour drive, car broke down, total loss, new town, talking about priorities, need to find a plug. ⁃I want to have a child as soon as I have the opportunity - somehow everyone think am irresponsible for saying that - but why not me!
Music Laughter Connection Soulace ⁃classical music, soulful, reggae- , love and more love , drinking water, panda water fountains, graffiti music, udon noodles, Korean characters, not to forget about Jesus. Definitely forget about Jesus. ⁃None of this shit
Spirit Religion Money Leaders -greatful -grapeful ⁃sturbbornness , hypocriticalness, famililyness, hallucinationess, wet dumpy soaked dreams, leaders, flashy rings, pedophelia , filiality, rhythmic bars, beautiful boring bars. - art, painting, gimmicking: they asked me: If you don’t beleive in our stuff how do you expect us to believe in your stuff?
Blood, circulation Transport Machine Conviction Confidence Fearless Control Calm
Part 1 to four, murder your enemies, drink their blood, take a jog around the block, pump all the water from the well, carry brick up the hill, fist fights in the street you loose you get a gun, you loose your gun you find a coffin, you are not invited to the all black party. Wear shades. Crimson and shady green, shady green with hints of brown soil. You can sing
Guaranteed Lust Pain Failure Punishment Isolation Physical, mental, .... ⁃injured my finger trying to jump on the pull up bar, flipped upside down, ⁃Feet on a bar, - hanger upside down ⁃Side effects ⁃Heart break ⁃Future break ⁃Laziness ⁃No money ⁃Dreams of homelessness ⁃Loneliness, horniness, laziness and blindflodiness is a perfect combination
Desired Deep connection Life Beauty Features Love love love love love love love love love love love I love live love love elove solove love love live love
It what I heard blasted on posters all over. Signs singing on repeat Loads and scratches High tones and gentle facial expression. This one time, those gentle facial expression felt fake They looked - they were trying I know it’s not pleasure, and guilt Like porn on ritual. I know it’s habits I heard blasted on posters all over Signs singing on repeat Like beautiful pop songs on a radio Habits blasted on repeat, I just had to take it cause I was too lazy to change the channel.
martyr fire Wound Diseases Darkness in the f Disappointment Betrayal Screwed over ⁃Have you ever been punched in the dark? I have ⁃It was not the pain ⁃I was fucking scared ⁃My heart was dribbling so fast I thought it was going to come out ⁃My brother and I used to come home from the football after dark
Embarrassed Expectations A weapon Unwanted Unveiling Exposition Private ⁃my punishment was to sit in a concrete bathtub outside for most of the day while my friends cousins and siblings played and laughter at me. I was naked. ⁃And time, the sun, the stares and shame was supposed to cleanse the diarrhea out of my system ⁃And most importantly, never let a shameful symptom of whatever disease or food poisoning reveal while you are sleeping in your uncle’s queen size perfect bed.
Expectations Accomplishments ⁃Find the tinies closet and lock yourself inside and cry yourself to ⁃I gotta get the fuck out of my phone ⁃I got to stop gossiping ⁃Am addicted ⁃Double dds like double ccs in accident
Resolve Future Reconstruction and deconstruction Better Virtual Worse
Death Ignorance Not prepared Game Mental
Formation Reservoir Lost losses and wins
⁃my nigga has so much care
Fight to death
My voice: Afraid to speak, when someone is listening afraid to speak up How did it progress Different reasons What influenced What the worse that could happen? What did happen What’s at stake
Mute Hard of hearing, my sister (am am am regergitating) Not knowing your self Not being told who you were Language Confusion Being ignored Limits Religion and it restrictions Respectability In an environment where this don’t particularly fit There seem to be no resolve people become just ARE NIGHT AND DAY CHAIN LOCK THE DOORS AND OPEN THE CURTAINS
We make the best of what we have and that is the culture Things get lost and others get made But we loose ourselves increasingly Become we increasingly give in to the desire of being something else Our skin become toxic to ourselves Our voice become toxic "am no suck at making word"
I don’t know love I love my mother Fuck Mother’s Day My mother has no doubt that I love her The lessons am fed Is that love can be captured in a time capsule On a scale of some fucking scale Shipped to new discoveries And pooop all over the And milk the juice from all the gorillas all the juice And ring the bell at every stone mark To come celebrate and pay your thank yous Thank you, happy Mother’s Day
Some incidental acts? Accelerated dents Identity actions Accompanied indifference Accomplished density denim Accumulated teeth