Titre ya Post

Desire    (who?)

desire
  Sexual
Food
Status
Power

⁃ briight coulors, lying eyes, veil hairs,
⁃ Lips, god sculptures sculptured.
⁃ Fire red, gold under mountains, red, bright red.
⁃ Dark chocolate
⁃ Caramel coffee
⁃ Turn up drugs
⁃ Facetime my brother the other day
⁃ Overdose
⁃ Is the first thing my brother asked when he saw me wearing - ass exposing gown.
⁃ I said no, no, fuck no? Who the fuck do you think I am, who the fuck do you think I have become
⁃ I thought
⁃ After 12 hours of waiting in the emergency room, I went to my new apartment
⁃ Fifth floor no elevator
⁃ Straight to my pack
⁃ Grabbed a Lucy
⁃ Stepped on the balcony
⁃ Light the bitch up and watched her spirit join the clouds.
⁃ Couldn’t finish cause my brother’s voice was buzzing in my ear, the after effect.
⁃ I think am addicted
⁃ I think am addicted
⁃ Have you ever noticed how your brother is an expert at pointing his faults when he sees them in others
⁃ Somehow he doesn’t see the smoke blowing back in his face
⁃ And made his eyes red
⁃am SUSPICIOUS the wind alway have an agenda pointing to the direction where shits’ at.

Treasure

Inheritance
Interior
Land
Home
Space
Hot
Dangerous
Misunderstood

⁃ lost my mother and my brother’s wallet. also lost my wallet.
⁃ Basement
⁃ Locked - darkness
⁃old bulbs,
⁃ Interrupted
⁃ Memories
⁃ I have a fantasy to become a hoarder
⁃ One of the society’s degenerates
⁃ Initially the fantansy was for becoming homeless
⁃ But I discovered I like warmth and locking myself in
⁃ Plus hoarders got to have somewhere to put all their shit
⁃ I would keep all the things that make me feel goood close
⁃ All the pictures that I lost
⁃ I would paint all the pictures I never taken
⁃ I would collect stuff to sell for a profit
⁃ I would not be alone
⁃ I would cry
⁃ Among things
⁃ I would have stuff of my own
⁃ I would curse myself out
⁃ Repeatedly
⁃ I would curse myself out
⁃ And the stuff will pretend to understand
⁃ I would tell them everything they want to hear
⁃ I will dance for them
⁃ I would make them feel useful
⁃ I would be doing something
⁃ Because I don’t know
⁃ I can’t have everything I want
⁃ Inheritance - mostly my face, from my father - everything else from my mother - hoping that I can soon become a partner to her, that my measure of success, to get to a point where she trusts me enough as she would a partner.
⁃ Interior - the underground gold lights the darkened mess underneath. A fact I can only imagine and believe only in faith. Close your eyes, and draw a line, the open to see your inner self. Who am I, who are you? — I have a wordless relationship with my organs — sometimes I forget that, I am on the constant hunt to discover myself — most times I forget that I can never lose myself because I carry myself with me everywhere, mostly, I am ashamed of myself, I can see myself changing, my body reacting, and e t c . . —- what I hold inside, - I can give, and hope that hopefully, I get something back. Also something about treasure about (I forgot) my worth that I can mold, have say in the control.
⁃ Land —- build my house, with colors, with blood, build a dance court, and play games all day and night.
⁃ Home —- build a home for all my homies that I came with and found along the way. Build a house so they can never get lost again.
⁃ Space — guts, imposture

Goal

Usefulness
Children
Life and more life

⁃ mundane connecting stories:
⁃ 1-800, money, homeless aggressiveness, homeless people work the hardest. Pennies, penis- long drives, car accidents, insurance, plans and resolutions, anxiety
⁃ I want to live forever,
⁃ Saying that is enough to make me cry
⁃ How come preachers never teach about ecclesiastical
⁃ And when they did, they missed the point.
⁃ I want to be sad forever
⁃ Saying that is enough to make me get up
⁃ I want to be happy
⁃ And saying that makes me want to pul the plug.
⁃ Talking about priorities
⁃ I left home, because I was comfortable and stressed at the same time. That house had the powers to convince me that that’s all there was.
⁃ I left, cause I wanted to feel disoriented.
⁃ 15 hour drive, car broke down, total loss, new town, talking about priorities, need to find a plug.
⁃ I want to have a child as soon as I have the opportunity
- somehow everyone think am irresponsible for saying that
- but why not me!

Saul

Music
Laughter
Connection
Soulace
⁃ classical music, soulful, reggae- , love and more love , drinking water, panda water fountains, graffiti music, udon noodles, Korean characters, not to forget about Jesus. Definitely forget about Jesus.
⁃ None of this shit

Faith

Spirit
Religion
Money
Leaders
-greatful
-grapeful
⁃ sturbbornness , hypocriticalness, famililyness, hallucinationess, wet dumpy soaked dreams, leaders, flashy rings, pedophelia , filiality, rhythmic bars, beautiful boring bars.
- art, painting, gimmicking:
they asked me: If you don’t beleive in our stuff how do you expect us to believe in your stuff?

Heart

Blood, circulation
Transport
Machine
Conviction
Confidence
Fearless
Control
Calm

Part 1 to four, murder your enemies, drink their blood, take a jog around the block, pump all the water from the well, carry brick up the hill, fist fights in the street you loose you get a gun, you loose your gun you find a coffin, you are not invited to the all black party. Wear shades. Crimson and shady green, shady green with hints of brown soil. You can sing

Hurt

Guaranteed
Lust
Pain
Failure
Punishment
Isolation
Physical, mental, ....
⁃ injured my finger trying to jump on the pull up bar, flipped upside down,
⁃ Feet on a bar,
- hanger upside down
⁃ Side effects
⁃ Heart break
⁃ Future break
⁃ Laziness
⁃ No money
⁃ Dreams of homelessness
⁃ Loneliness, horniness, laziness and blindflodiness is a perfect combination

Love

Desired
Deep connection
Life
Beauty
Features
Love love love love love love love love love love love I love live love love elove solove love love live love

It what I heard blasted on posters all over. Signs singing on repeat
Loads and scratches
High tones and gentle facial expression.
This one time, those gentle facial expression felt fake
They looked - they were trying
I know it’s not pleasure, and guilt
Like porn on ritual.
I know it’s habits
I heard blasted on posters all over
Signs singing on repeat
Like beautiful pop songs on a radio
Habits blasted on repeat,
I just had to take it
cause I was too lazy to change the channel.

Pain

   martyr
fire
Wound
Diseases
Darkness in the f
Disappointment
Betrayal
Screwed over
⁃ Have you ever been punched in the dark? I have
⁃ It was not the pain
⁃ I was fucking scared
⁃ My heart was dribbling so fast I thought it was going to come out
⁃ My brother and I used to come home from the football after dark

Shame

Embarrassed
Expectations
A weapon
Unwanted
Unveiling
Exposition
Private
⁃ my punishment was to sit in a concrete bathtub outside for most of the day while my friends cousins and siblings played and laughter at me. I was naked.
⁃ And time, the sun, the stares and shame was supposed to cleanse the diarrhea out of my system
⁃ And most importantly, never let a shameful symptom of whatever disease or food poisoning reveal while you are sleeping in your uncle’s queen size perfect bed.

Regret

Expectations
Accomplishments
⁃ Find the tinies closet and lock yourself inside and cry yourself to
⁃ I gotta get the fuck out of my phone
⁃ I got to stop gossiping
⁃ Am addicted
⁃ Double dds like double ccs in accident

Hope

Resolve
Future
Reconstruction and deconstruction
Better
Virtual
Worse

Loss

Death
Ignorance
Not prepared
Game
Mental

Memories

Formation
Reservoir
Lost losses and wins

⁃ my nigga has so much care

Fight to death

Fear

My voice:
Afraid to speak, when someone is listening afraid to speak up
How did it progress
Different reasons
What influenced
What the worse that could happen?
What did happen
What’s at stake

Confidence

Mute
Hard of hearing, my sister
(am am am regergitating)
Not knowing your self
Not being told who you were
Language
Confusion
Being ignored
Limits
Religion and it restrictions
Respectability
In an environment where this don’t particularly fit
There seem to be no resolve
people become
just ARE
NIGHT AND DAY
CHAIN LOCK THE DOORS AND OPEN THE CURTAINS

We make the best of what we have and that is the culture
Things get lost and others get made
But we loose ourselves increasingly
Become
we increasingly give in to the desire of being something else
Our skin become toxic to ourselves
Our voice become toxic
"am no suck at making word"

Love

I don’t know love
I love my mother
Fuck Mother’s Day
My mother has no doubt that I love her
The lessons am fed
Is that love can be captured in a time capsule
On a scale of some fucking scale
Shipped to new discoveries
And pooop all over the
And milk the juice from all the gorillas
all the juice
And ring the bell at every stone mark
To come celebrate and pay your thank yous
Thank you, happy Mother’s Day

Accidents

Some incidental acts?
Accelerated dents
Identity actions
Accompanied indifference
Accomplished density denim
Accumulated teeth